did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
