I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
