Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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