hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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