I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
