You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
