we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
