Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
