Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
