I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
