you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
