He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
