it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
