I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
