I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
