Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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