So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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