They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
