I wish my penis had an off switch
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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