I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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