we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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