dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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