Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
