i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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