i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
