I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
its liver damage thursday
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