I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Houston, we have a blender
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
