I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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