dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
