I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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