i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
