I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
