He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
