Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
