During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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