Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's blow job season.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
