She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
