FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
