So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
