He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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