I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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