So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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