Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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