Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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