So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
