I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
