I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is the high leading the old right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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