the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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