you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
