rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
