I think my vagina is haunted
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I touched a dick in church today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
