How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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