Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
