Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
